Think like a man!

After the incidents with the “Mikes,” my cousin recommended that I read a book, written by Steve Harvey, titled, “Act like a lady, think like a man.”


If you haven’t read it, I highly suggest you do.

It’s even available on audiobook.

Yes, there was a movie about the book, but it’s not the same as reading it.  I learned so much and it quickly became a part of my every day thinking process when it comes to men.

First let me say that I of course have no affiliation with Steve Harvey, and have no benefit from promoting his book and this is 100% coming from a place of personal growth. This book gives such great insight into the inner workings of a man’s thought process and how he views women and relationships.

I will be honest and admit that a lot of it was really hard to digest.  Our emotional thinking makes us want to project the way we communicate and show love on to men, and they just don’t work that way.

It will give you much needed tools to navigate this dating process.

I wish I would have read it long before meeting either one of the “Mikes.”

I also would have never connected with many of these guys in the first place had I had the knowledge to understand which ones to stay away from in the first place.

We need to empower ourselves to know what we want, and to not settle.  Part of that is upholding our standards, and one of the first principals he lays out in his book, is about not compromising our standards

“Let him treat you like a lady and open the car door for you. If he doesn’t automatically open the door for you, stand by the darn thing and don’t get into the vehicle until he realizes he needs to get his behind out of the driver’s seat and come round and open the car door for you. That’s his job!” 
― Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About 

First of all, know this…

Men are fisherman.  ALL of them.

A man will fish for two reasons and two reasons only.

“A man fishes for two reasons: he’s either sport fishing or fishing to eat, which means he’s either going to try to catch the biggest fish he can, take a picture of it, admire it with his buddies and toss it back to sea, or he’s going to take that fish on home, scale it, fillet it, toss it in some cornmeal, fry it up, and put it on his plate. This, I think, is a great analogy for how men seek out women.”― Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About 

The sport fisher:

This is the player. 

The one seeking the hookup.

The emotionally unavailable.

The one that will introduce you to his friends as “This is my friend Gigi.” But never, “my girlfriend Gigi.”

This guy wants to show you of to his buddies, but not take you home to meet his mom.

If this is all you are seeking, that’s fine, just know what you are dealing with and base your decisions on knowledge.

The fisherman seeking “The keeper”

This guy is the one that is genuinely looking for a relationship.

He will profess his feelings for you (in his own manly way).

He will introduce you to his friends in a way that lets them know you are his.  “My girlfriend Gigi,” or “My girl.”   

He will talk about the future.

He will share his dreams.

He will open up to you. 

He will want you to meet his mother.

“To us, your power comes from one simple thing: you’re a woman, and we men will do anything humanly possible to impress you so that, ultimately, we can be with you. You’re the driving force behind why we wake up every day. Men go out and get jobs and hustle to make money because of women. We drive fancy cars because of women. We dress nice, put on cologne, get haircuts and try to look all shiny and new for you. We do all of this because the more our game is stepped up, the more of you we get. You’re the ultimate prize to us.” 
― Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About 

In his book, he also lays out how the different types of men will show their “love” languages, if you will, and how to tell which ones are legit.

“But if he loves you, he will profess it, he will provide for you, and he will protect you. If he really loves you, the ultimate profession is, “This is my wife.” ― Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About 

How they show love: The three Ps.

Profess. Provide. Protect.

Ladies, guys are not going to text you all day, telling you flowery things, thinking of you every minute of the day, like we do.  Their minds are much more simple than that. 

They will show you how they feel (if they really care) in these three ways.

He will profess.

Simple enough.

They will profess it. Like above. “This is my girl. This is my wife.” And yes, they will say, “I love you.” Maybe not as much or as often as we want them to, but they will.

He will provide.

This one is tricky because in today’s society as women, we are having to take care of ourselves. More single moms and dual income houses put that requirement on us.  We become so used to be self-sufficient in so many ways, that it is second nature. 

But ladies.. As much as this may interfere with how you think you should act, or even assault your pride, let them at least feel like they are providing. It is also, not always about money.

So what if you have moved that TV five times in the past all by yourself, ask him to do it for you this time. At least let him think he is providing for you.

If your car needs an oil change, don’t just automatically take it to the dealership and have them do it.  Mention it around him and if he shows interest, and he will if you are his keeper, let him change your oil.

Find any way you can to let him feel needed.  Even if he’s not.  He NEEDS to feel NEEDED.

Be creative.  Find ways.  Think of projects you need done. Hell, even break something so he can fix it. Ok maybe that’s a stretch, but who knows.

Anytime you are in distress, no matter the reason, he’s going to want to fix it. Let him.  Let him at least try.

And then APPRECIATE HIM!  Show him your gratitude.

Put down your pride for a minute, and speak to him in a way that he understands.  Let him provide.

He will protect.

This one is pretty self-explanatory.

He will die protecting you. Protecting your honor, your security, your emotions.  

Let him.

This may look like something as simple as him walking between you and the busy street.  Or putting his arm around you and pulling you close if you are in a sketchy neighborhood.

Again, recognize it when it happens, and know he’s showing that he cares about you.

We are such complex creatures, and they are not. We have to learn to understand how they think and act. Trust me, it will help you sanity in the long run. At least save you some heartache in the mean time.

“I’ve said over and over again jokingly that the only way a woman can truly be completely satisfied is to get herself four different men—an old one, an ugly one, a Mandingo, and a gay guy. Now the four of them combined? They got you covered.” 
― Steve Harvey, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

Of course, I’m not an expert on any of this.  I am still single and have yet to find Prince Charming.

However, the knowledge I gained from reading this book, has really helped me navigate this process, and helps identify the players a lot more quickly than when I first started.  I now avoid the sports fishers at all costs.


Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

Learn more:

He also continues to give advice from his twitter feed:



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