It seemed that the first guy I met from Match.com was an anomaly, and even though the pond was stocked with better, quality fish there, they soon stopped biting. I started seeing the same faces over and over in my feed, and it was beginning to feel like the fish were hibernating for the Summer.
My therapist continued encouraging me by reminding me that with each person I swiped on, each person I chatted with, talked to, or went on a date with, I learned more about myself.
When I first started seeing her, we had many discussions about my past failed relationships, what made them fail, what I really wanted and didn’t want in a partner, and how to avoid more failed relationships in the future. We made a list of things that were important to me, and things that were deal breakers. I encourage you to do the same. Study it. Read it. Live by it.
As you go on dates, you will be surprised at the things you add to your “must have” list, and things you add to you “deal breaker” list. Like manners and hygiene. I would have never thought that dating adult men would require me to have bad hygiene on my list of deal breakers, but trust me my friends, I do.
And by manners, I mean, don’t ask me in the middle of Taco Cabana, with your voice level on HIGH, if I have fake tits, then put sour cream on your taco with your fingers. Yes… that happened.
That said, promise yourself, as I did, NOT to settle. You are worthy of happiness, and you will never find it by compromising who you are, in order to find love. Don’t let the desire to BE loved, overcome your ability to stay true to yourself. After all, if you are not being the truest form of you, then you aren’t truly being loved.
But.. as I always tell my therapist, it all looks good on paper. It all makes sense, and sounds reasonable, even logical. But putting the plan into action is another story.
Being an Empath definitely makes dating hard to navigate at times. I never want to inflict the sting of rejection onto another human, as I know how deeply hurtful it can be. However, in order to stay true to myself, I have to be strong enough to be honest, especially when the connection just isn’t there.
I was, and still am, determined to find, “The One,” and I am also as equally determined to not settle.
So how do I do that?
By learning. Researching. Becoming in tune with what I REALLY want.
For any research project to work, you need data. I wanted to find the perfect match, and I wasn’t going to give up. Now mind you, I’m not looking for perfection in that sense, I’m looking for what is perfect for me. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life living for other people, catering to others’ emotions, and settling for relationships that brought more pain than joy. I needed a definitive answer on what makes me happy, and I sincerely wanted to find it.
I needed to put on my big girl panties (they are ALL big girl panties by the way) and put myself out there.
I needed to stop being so emotionally fearful, let myself date, get my feelings hurt, and learn. All types of guys, of different races, and with different professions. I was even willing to date a guy that didn’t like country music. I know right?! Yes, unfortunately they do exist.
I never have, and still don’t consider myself a serial dater, but I also don’t consider it “dating” until you’ve gotten past the second date. I knew that in order for find “The One,” I was going to have to weed through, “The many.”
The more data in, the better the knowledge gained. The answer?
Multiple dating sites.
I signed up for Tinder.
I signed up for Bumble.
I never actually cancelled my subscription to BBW People meet.
And I still had my subscription for Match.
However, despite the name of this entry, and despite the fact that I was fishing in a sea of men, I could not bring myself to join, Plenty of Fish.
A girl’s gotta have her standards.
I stopped myself short of creating a spreadsheet, but I still have not ruled it out.
A “Lady in the streets, and a freak in the spreadsheets!”
And I wonder why I’m still single.