Keeping with the Dr. Seuss theme. I am calling this entry, “The Shape of me and other stuff.” Given that it seems to be my sticking point.
I should also point out, that for the purpose of this blog, I’m going to call myself Gigi. If you’ve ever seen the movie “He’s just not that into you,” you know who Gigi is. And yes, I actually have an “Alex” in my life as well. He has been a confidante and has provided very helpful insight into the male psyche throughout this process. The problem is, I didn’t have Alex in these early days, which probably could have saved me some valuable time I will never get back.
Anyway, back to the dreaded profile.
Much like updating my resume, the thought of actually having to sit down and write something about myself that might attract another human made me want to wretch. I don’t like talking about myself, and I definitely don’t enjoy being the center of attention. Introverts unite!!
Divorced white female. Overweight. Insecure. Extra sensitive. Introvert. Cries easily. Former lesbian. Closer to 50 than 40. In therapy………
Oh look! I just got matched with a sloth!
I could already imagine the men beating down my door.
I had to get creative. I am 100% honest, I believe in full disclosure and wanted to set a realistic expectation of all that is me.
However, I also wanted to actually attract someone at the same time.
Come on Gigi! I told myself, you’ve got a lot going for you and you just need to accentuate the positives. Alright, let’s do this!
Let’s start with the basics.
- Age: 46
- Height: 5’7
- Occupation: Secret Agent (that’s really not my job title, but it could qualify)
- Religion: Spiritual / Not religious
- Political Affiliation: Very liberal
- Kids: Yes, 2
- Seeking LTR.
I then highlighted things about me that I felt would be attractive to men.
- I love to cook.
- I speak fluent sarcasm.
- I love football. (I figured the last one would get their attention for sure)
Then the body type question comes along. I felt the anxiety creeping in.
Took a deep breath.
And almost deleted my profile.
How could I ever compete with the other women in this world who are better suited for this?
The ones that identify as “Fit” or “Athletic” or “Slender.”
Society has tortured women with the idea that our bodies need to be perfect in order for us to be worthy.
It was the one thing about me that has caused me to be rejected more than any other.
From my husband (my oldest son’s father) and other men that I have tried to date between then and now.
But hold up….
I remembered there was a reason I chose this site in particular. Because men on this site expect women who are bigger than a Barbie. They are actually attracted to larger women. Thank you Jesus that these men do exist.
So I took a deep breath and tried to answer the question.
But it is not as easy as it sounds.
I have never understood, nor do I still, the various definitions that describe a “plus sized woman.”
The options were…
- A few extra pounds
- Big and Beautiful
What the what?
Again. Being the overthinker that I am, and wanting to answer each question as honestly as I could, I got stuck on this answer.
I could eliminate SSBBW, but what is the difference between Big and Beautiful, and Full-figured? And where does “A few extra pounds” stop, and “curvy” begin?
It is so confusing. I wish there was just a category that was, “Not a freaking Barbie Doll!”
So I selected full figured, added a few details about me, uploaded some photos, and clicked save.
And the waiting game begins….