As I was writing my first entry, as it often does, my brain went Seuss on me. I started thinking about his books, and how they could apply to modern-day, online dating.
It was a well-known fact that Dr. Seuss had hidden political messages in his books, but now I’m starting to wonder if he wasn’t onto something else.
Can you relate to these?
“One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish.”
I DON’T CARE HOW BIG YOUR FISH IS!
If I had a dollar for every profile picture I’ve seen of a guy holding a fish, I could take my own self to dinner. A NICE dinner.
Obviously, this is a huge point of confusion for me, given that I really don’t care what size “fish” you were able to catch, or what this even proves.
What I do care about is, can you catch ME, or are you more of a “catch and release” kinda guy.
I started to automatically swipe left on any guy with that profile picture, but then I quickly realized that if I did, I would be eliminating about 80% of the dating pool.
You will see the “fishing” theme throughout my blog, and obviously in the name. When in Rome, right?
“Oh the places you will go.”
This seems to be the second largest theme I have seen in profiles. You know the ones.. The profiles with the men shown in exotic places. In front of the Eiffel tower. Laying on a beach. Zip lining in Costa Rica. Snowboarding, surfing, hunting, rock climbing, biking, boating, motorcycle riding…………. STOP THE MADNESS! That’s not real life. In fact? Do you even have a job?
“The CAT in the Hat.”
We’ve all met him. That sly individual who is continually trying to talk you into something you don’t want to do. Anywhere from giving them your phone number, FaceTiming, or even sending nudes. The problem with this guy, is that he’s very charming, just like the CAT, and will leave you second guessing yourself, wanting to say yes, even though it’s against your better judgement. Then he will walk away from the mess he made, leaving you wondering what gale force wind just swept through your life.
For more on the CAT, see my blog about dating a narcissist.
And of course, I think we’ve all had dates with “Thing One and Thing Two.” But hopefully NOT at the same time.
“There’s a Wocket in my pocket.”
Indeed sir, I am quite sure there IS a Wocket in your Pocket, but I do NOT need to see a picture of it.
“The pocket book of boners.” I didn’t make it up.. Google it.
“The Shape of Me and Other Stuff.”
The questions. The dreaded profile questions asking you to describe your “Body Type.”
These range from, Slender (Barbie Doll), Fit (Gym rat), Curvy (Marilyn Monroe), Athletic (Tom Boy) to SSBBW (if you don’t know what this is, don’t ask).
“Fox in Socks.”
Not much needed to say about this one. Wolf in sheep skin? Weasel in khakis? Fox in sox? No difference really.
“How the Grinch Stole Christmas”
The Ginch, a.k.a., “Christian Grey” is that dark, tortured soul who breaks hearts and sucks the joy out of the lives of women one by one. Until the day comes, when he finds that one woman who gives him true, unconditional love. The one who sticks with him no matter what and loves him through his darkness until that love changes the trajectory in his life and “his heart grew three sizes that day.”
There are plenty of these guys out there, lurking on “Whodating.com,” and as women we would all like to believe we can change them. Maybe we can. But protect yourself. The Grinch is not one for the faint of heart.
I personally would prefer the seasick crocodile.
“Are you my mother?”
Oh yes. The Mama’s boy.
After making a guy dinner one night, he actually looked at me and said, “I’m going to marry my mother.”
We’re not seeing each other anymore.